Keeping pace

(Photos courtesy of Carol's dad) 

This past Sunday, I had the opportunity to volunteer as a pacer for the Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathon. I was the 4:40 marathon run/walk pacer (10 min run, 1 min walk). My job was to keep a steady pace throughout the entire race so that runners who want to finish in 4:40 can follow me.

An hour into the run, I could feel the bottom of my feet aching. (Uh oh ... this feeling is 2 hours early!) But I had to keep going. I couldn't stop. People were depending on me. The weight of responsibility drew out strength I never knew I had.

And that's when I saw the crowd from Team in Training. I trained for my first marathon (Rome) with them and was ecstatic to see their smiles and cheers. Most memorable was Hart's "Josh! Josh! Josh!..." I sported my purple Team in Training shirt under my pacer shirt :)

About an hour and a half later, my legs were really starting to cramp and the pain in my feet got worse with each step. (I should have trained ... or at least worked out. It was a mistake to take the marathon lightly)

And just when I was losing consciousness, I found myself in the Beaches. As I was running, I spotted Anna and Bruce and their kids. Their cheers invigorated me with renewed energy. As I was leaving, Bruce gave me some encouragements and I saw Jonathan too! I was heading back downtown - this was the home stretch!

As I was pulling away from the crowd and excitement, the pain started to come back. I tried to avoid drinking too much water, but felt my body needing water pretty desperately. I started the run feeling a bit sick and tired. With the effect of the morning's coffee wearing off, I felt everything starting to slowly shut down. My body was hurting a lot and my whole body felt weak. Nevertheless, I kept faking it, encouraging my group to stay on pace and keep running the race.

I finally broke around the 35-37km mark. I had to use the washroom and lost my pace group. When I tried to resume running, I broke into a hobble. Not good.

Throughout the race, especially after the half marathon point, I contemplated running off the course and just finding another way back. I wasn't sure if I could continue to keep the pace. I was tempted to "accidentally" trip, so I could just lie down and pass out for a few days.

As I was entering the last few kilometres, I could not run. I had to walk. It was pretty humiliating. I wanted to tear those bunny ears off. Then I heard some familiar voices: "Josh! Josh! Josh!" (Oh no ... it's the TNT crew ... I lost my pace crew and I can't even respond to their cheers with a run) They tried to get me running, but upon realizing how broken I was, they got one of the coaches to pace me to the finish line - another coach took over closer to the finish line.

As I rounded the corner, I started to run. I decided to keep the bunny ears on. And the 4:40 signs on my front and back. The time would show a huge discrepancy. I would be a failure. But I would still press on.

I made a big mistake in underestimating the marathon. And I paid the price. I will learn for next time, but right now, I need to cross that finish line. I started as a pacer, and I will finish as a pacer.

I ran a good race and did my best, given the circumstances. I felt bad for not keeping pace to the end, but I knew I had to finish my race, and get up and try again.

As I recover, every part of my body that once screamed in pain now itches to run.