Extraordinary Love

For a while, I have been struggling with my faith. In short, I've been struggling with why I am a Christian. These struggles have been a source of tremendous stress for me. See, this upcoming year, I'll be vice-chair of CCF. And here I am wondering why I signed up for this gig in the first place. The thought of being vice-chair seemed like such a chore. In short, the feeling was gone. I just didn't have the passion for CCF anymore, I thought. While this was true, my passion in general was fading. The real problem was my attitude towards God. Some say that our view of God dictates how you live your life.

Then it struck me. In the midst of all my intellectual and emotional struggles, I was reminded of God's love for me. Mind you, it wasn't an instant strike - but a developing realization that:
- the God of the Universe loves me so much
- by myself, I am nothing and without Jesus Christ, my destiny is certain death
- I had no peace as I grew more distant from my Heavenly Father
- I can only do so much on my own
- and that God's love is extravagant ...

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. -Romans 5:8

I look back at my past. And I can tell you that it doesn't look pretty. I look back and I see pride rooted in selfishness, sexual lust that degrades others, anger and bitterness that rots away within me and hurts others, cutting words that pierce those closest to me, and an apathy that leads to utter negligence. My past is pretty shitty. Yes, "very bad", as Wiktionary says.

I then look at who God is. And if He is indeed holy, pure, all-powerful and just ... I'd be in big trouble. "For the wages of sin is death...", as the first part of Romans 6:23 reads. And this death is an eternal one. But not only in the "afterlife", but also in this present life. Sin has consequences here in this life too.

The second part of this verse reads: "...but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." I don't have a clear explanation of why I believe; by that I mean that I don't have an explanation that is completely logically connected. However, it's the most logical belief system I can find.

Further, I find my relationship with Jesus Christ very satisfying. It's just better. Better than what this life has to offer. I'm happier and excited again! My hope restored. My eternity secured. And learning to live by the Spirit, day by day.

What happens if I lose that feeling again? I will remind myself of my first love. Of the one who gave His life for me. The closest analogy of how I feel is how a peasant would feel if his king laid his life down to save the peasant's life. Except, I'm lowlier than a peasant and God's much greater than the king. And finally, losing the feeling is akin to losing the feeling in a marriage. It happens. But I know that I'm growing up. Maturing. That with each passing day, my love and character matures in the likeness of my Master.

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